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The following is an unpaid advertisement. Nobody paid for it. Nothing is for sale. Please enjoy.

PCTV late-night presents

As SeenOn TV

But wait — there’s more.

Rated O for Operators standing by

About a minute and a half, with the announcer, the music and a studio audience. Captions on screen; stop it any time.

PCTV2:47 AM · YOU SHOULD BE ASLEEP · BUT FIRST —

Does this sound familiar?

Tired of carrying the folding table ALONE?

  • Does setting up the con feel like a solo boss fight?
  • A whole fandom, and nobody to yell about the finale with?
  • Want to help, but no idea where to start?
Dramatization
A person tries to set up a folding table alone. The table wins. It lands on them with a thud, legs in the air. Not actual footage. Actual feelings.

There’s got to be a better way!

BREAKINGLOCAL FAN DEFEATED BY FURNITURE · TABLE 1, FAN 0

Introducing… THE CREW™

Volunteering. Fandom. Found family. All in one convenient package!

Product shot: a bright yellow retail box labelled The Crew, with three smiling volunteers in a window on the front. VOLUNTEERING · FANDOM · FAMILY NEW & IMPROVED THE CREW™ Volunteering · Fandom · Found family AGES: ALL OF THEM BATTERIES: NOT NEEDED SNACKS: USUALLY

Look at these features!

  • Carries folding tables in groups of two or more
  • Turns “a stranger at the con” into “the friend you text about the finale”
  • Works at PrismaCon, PrismaLAN and PrismaBall
  • No experience necessary. We’ll show you where the tape is.
  • Compatible with every fandom. Yes, that one too.
  • Helps a volunteer-run nonprofit do real things for real people
  • Dishwasher safe (Please do not put the Crew in the dishwasher.)

Now, how much would you pay?

Don’t answer that!

Only 3 easy payments of… a smile.

Smiles optional. Volunteering is free. It was always free. That’s the whole thing.

NEW!THE CREW™ · AVAILABLE WHEREVER YOU ARE

Live product demonstration

Watch it set up 47 chairs!

No tricks. No camera cuts. Just THE CREW™, a hall, and a stack of folding chairs that never saw it coming.

A hall with a small stage on the left and forty-seven folding chairs in six rows, all facing the stage, except chair 23, which faces the wrong way. MAIN STAGE Live*
Chairs set up: 47 / 47*Recorded live, earlier, in a hall.

47 chairs! Results may vary: chair 23 is facing the wrong way. Chair 23 has its reasons.

DEMO47 CHAIRS · 0 CHAIRS SET UP ALONE

THE CREW™ vs. carrying a table alone

An honest comparison chart. Independently verified by nobody. Still honest.

THE CREW compared with carrying a folding table alone
FeatureTHE CREW™Carrying a table alone
ArmsSo many armsTwo. Both busy.
Tables carriedOne, by several people, correctlyOne, briefly. Then zero.
SnacksUsuallyWhatever is in your pocket
Someone says “nice job”ConstantlyOnly the table, sarcastically
Turns into found family Yes The table does not text back
Cost Free Also free (but at what cost?)
Occasional debate about where the table goes Honestly, yes Nobody to argue with. Lonely.
Requires showing up Yes Also yes

Note: both options require showing up. We checked. There is no option where you don’t show up and the table sets itself up.

FACTSTHE TABLE DECLINED TO COMMENT

But wait —

Press the button. You know you want to.

BONUSEVERY BONUS IS FREE · THEY WERE ALWAYS FREE

Real testimonials* from real** characters

*Real. **Fictional. Every one of them lives on this website. Look, it’s complicated.

  • I used to run through the 404 page alone. Now I run through it with friends cheering me on. I still fall in the pits. But with FRIENDS.

    Glint
    Operator. Everyone’s first friend.

  • I’m a desktop. I don’t have arms. The Crew carried my folding table anyway.

    PrismaOS
    A desktop

  • I made a name badge for everybody. Every single one says “You belong here.” I’m not crying, I’m laminating.

    Badge Maker
    Name badges, lanyards, feelings

  • White light went in. A whole crew came out. Science can’t explain it. (Science can. It’s called showing up.)

    Light Lab
    Professional prism

  • I tried to paint the whole Crew. I ran out of canvas. They keep showing up.

    Paint
    Fan art department

  • Group photo! Everybody blinked. Best picture I’ve ever taken.

    Photo Booth
    Group photos

  • We’re not actors. We’re barely organized. But that folding table never stood a chance.

    The Crew
    Volunteers (in-universe)

Results not typical. Actually, they’re pretty typical. People are nice.

REAL*NO ACTORS WERE HIRED · THEY’RE ALL APPS

Line 3 · on the air

Let’s go to the phones!

  1. Announcer: Caller, you’re on the air!
  2. Chair 23: Hi! Long-time watcher, first-time caller. I’m a folding chair. Row F, seat 23.
  3. Announcer: A chair! Tell us your story, chair!
  4. Chair 23: Before THE CREW™, I spent every con folded up in a closet. Then six people set me up in under a minute. SIX. I’ve never been held by six people.
  5. Chair 23: Someone sat on me for a whole panel and laughed until they cried. Somebody wrote “GERALD” on my back in tape. I am Gerald now.
  6. Announcer: Thank you, Gerald!
  7. Chair 23: Also, I face the wrong way sometimes. That’s a me thing.
LINE 3CALLER IS A CHAIR · CALLER IS DOING GREAT

Limited Unlimited time offer!

This offer has been available for

…and it will keep being available. Take your time. Have a snack. It’ll be here.

OFFERSTILL AVAILABLE · STILL AVAILABLE · STILL AVAILABLE

Operators are standing by!

The operator is Glint. Glint is always standing by.

(Glint doesn’t have legs. Glint is standing by in spirit.)

Order now!Join the Crew — the volunteer application, free

(No phone needed. You’ll be put through to Glint.)

Questions first? No phones ringing off the hook here — talk to a real human.

Rather chip in than carry tables?

Donations keep our access funds, programs and events going. Give whatever amount you choose — or don’t. There’s no timer, nothing is running out, and the Crew is free either way.

Donate
ORDEROPERATORS ARE STANDING BY · THE OPERATOR IS GLINT

The fine print

PrismaCorp is a volunteer-run nonprofit. Nothing here is for sale. This page is a joke; the people are real.

PrismaCorp Foundation, Inc. is a 501(c)(3) public charity.

Volunteering with us is free. Donating is never required to volunteer, and any amount you choose is welcome — including none.

Every character quoted on this page is fictional and lives on this website. No real person, product or channel appears in this program.

No folding tables were harmed in the making of this program. One was mildly inconvenienced.

Glint is not a licensed operator. Glint is a friend.

Offer valid wherever kindness is accepted.

The announcer voice. You know the one.

Closed captions: the whole script
  1. Announcer: It’s two forty-seven A.M. You should be asleep. But FIRST—
  2. Announcer: Tired of carrying the folding table… ALONE?
  3. Announcer: Introducing… THE CREW!
  4. Announcer: Now, how much would you pay? Don’t answer that!
  5. Announcer: Watch it set up forty-seven chairs! Look at it go!
  6. Announcer: But wait — there’s MORE!
  7. Announcer: But WAIT! There’s even MORE!
  8. Announcer: There’s MORE?! How is there more?!
  9. Announcer: Okay. No more. Promise. There’s a little more.
  10. Announcer: Caller, you’re on the air!
  11. Announcer: This offer will KEEP being available! Forever-ish!
  12. Announcer: Operators are standing by! The operator is Glint.
  13. Announcer: A chair! Tell us your story, chair!
  14. Announcer: Thank you, Gerald!
  15. Announcer: THE CREW versus carrying a table alone. An honest comparison chart.
  16. Announcer: That’s the program! Nothing was sold.
  17. Announcer: PrismaCorp is a volunteer-run nonprofit. Nothing here is for sale. Volunteering is free; donating is never required. Glint is not a licensed operator. Glint is a friend.

Sounds: a bright ding! for every bonus, a studio audience going “ooooh”, applause, telephone rings, and a cheerful music bed under the program.

LEGALTHE FINE PRINT · IT’S ACTUALLY NICE

The PCTV order line

Ringing…

0/12 ticket stubs collected