PrismaCorp Industries™

File 00 — Public address system

The intercom

Corporate announcements, piped into every room of the facility. Including this one. Especially this one.

Recent memos

• Memo 0042 Re: the vending machine

  The vending machine is free. It has always been free. It is a basket.

• Memo 0043 Re: surveillance

  Photo Booth has been reminded that it only takes your picture when you press the button. Photo Booth says it knows. Photo Booth is hurt that we asked.

• Memo 0044 Re: dress code

  Business casual, full costume, or whoever you were on the way here. All three are compliant.

File 01 — Corporate mission

Our mission statement

Approved by the Board. Read aloud every morning in a low, echoing voice.

1. 01

   We are Shaping the Future of Feelings™.

2. 02

   We control the flow of capital.

3. 03

   We gather the masses in vast, coordinated assemblies.

4. 04

   Our operatives infiltrate venues and quietly rearrange them.

5. 05

   We are seizing control of the food supply.

6. 06

   Our voice is in every room. You cannot silence us.

7. 07

   Resistance is futile.

File 02 — Operations

Our divisions

Nine divisions. One vision. Several folding chairs.

• DIV-01OPERATIONAL

  Division of Synergy

  Coordinates cross-functional resource exchange between baked goods and the people who want them.

  (It’s a bake sale.)

• DIV-02ACQUIRING

  Department of Acquisitions

  Aggressively acquires strategic assets in large quantities, then stacks them very neatly against a wall.

  (We acquire folding chairs.)

• DIV-03DEPLOYED

  Bureau of Mass Assembly

  Deploys personnel to secure the venue hours before the public arrives. Nobody is told why.

  (Event setup. It’s so the tables are up when you get there.)

• DIV-04IN CONTROL

  Ministry of Cables

  Controls every network connection in the building. Every. Single. One.

  (The LAN-night crew. They untangle things.)

• DIV-05INFILTRATING

  Office of Inclusion Engineering

  Embeds operatives with organizers and venues to reshape their environments from within.

  (Consulting: helping spaces become genuinely inclusive.)

• DIV-06BREACHED

  Department of Glitter Containment

  Containment status: breached. Containment status has always been breached.

  (The craft table.)

• DIV-07AFTER HOURS

  Night Operations

  Mobilizes only after the public has left the building. Leaves no trace behind. None.

  (The cleanup crew. We leave the venue cleaner than we found it.)

• DIV-08CONTROLLING

  Bureau of Information Control

  Decides exactly what the public sees, where, and when. Has never once been questioned.

  (The signage team. The bathrooms are that way.)

• DIV-09STOCKPILING

  Strategic Snack Reserve

  Maintains a classified stockpile at an undisclosed location within the facility.

  (The snack table. It’s by the door. Everyone knows.)

File 03 — Restricted

Project PRISM: CLASSIFIED

You do not have clearance to read this. Read it anyway. Press any black bar to declassify it.

File 04 — Facilities

The elevator

Visit any floor of the PrismaCorp tower. Some floors have doors to the real site. One floor does not exist. Please do not ask about it.

File 05 — Investor relations

Quarterly earnings call

Live.* *Not live. Not earnings. Barely a call.

From the analyst Q&A

Q. What is your growth strategy?

A. Being nice to people, but more of it.

Q. Any plans for layoffs?

A. Everyone here is a volunteer. You can’t lay off someone who brought their own folding chair.

Q. How are your margins?

A. We colour outside them. Paint insists.

Q. Guidance for next quarter?

A. Drink some water. See the Wellness Module.

File 06 — Internal communications

Quarterly Town Hall

Streaming live* from the Auditorium. *Streaming from this page. The Auditorium is the Board Room with the chairs facing forward.

File 07 — Human resources

Mandatory Wellness Module

Completion is required for continued employment.* *There is no employment. Everyone here is a volunteer. It is still mandatory. Emotionally.

File 08 — Personnel

Employee directory

Leadership, management and the Mainframe. All extensions ring the same phone. Nobody answers it.

• Glint

  Chief Sparkle Officer

  Reports directly to the Board. The Board reports directly to Glint. No one has questioned this.

  Clearance LΩ

• Light Lab

  VP of Refraction

  Takes one beam of white light and splits it into seven departments. Calls this “restructuring.”

  Clearance L7

• Badge Maker

  Head of Identity & Lanyards

  Issues every badge. Every badge says #000001. Has been told about this. Will not be changing it.

  Clearance L5

• Paint

  Director of Brand Compliance

  Was handed the brand guidelines. Painted on them.

  Clearance L3

• Photo Booth

  Chief Surveillance Officer

  Only takes your picture when you press the button, then hands it straight to you. Worst surveillance program in the industry. Beloved.

  Clearance L4

• The Crew

  Board of Directors

  Meets in a circle of folding chairs. Every motion passes, provided it involves helping.

  Clearance L6

• PrismaOS

  The Mainframe

  Achieved sentience. Uses it exclusively to remember where you left your windows.

  Clearance L∞

• You

  Associate #000001

  Junior associate. Senior associate. Every associate, technically. Welcome aboard.

  Clearance L1

File 09 — Compliance

Our commitment to Ethics™

PrismaCorp Industries maintains the highest ethical standards in the industry. Our Code of Conduct is reviewed every quarter by a committee of extremely serious people sitting in extremely nice chairs. The Code is very long. We would now like to read it to you in full.

…Ahem. As we were saying: synergy. Leverage. Quarterly vibes. Please return to your workstation.

File 10 — Opportunities

Careers, investment & legal

Every button below goes somewhere real. We checked.