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Show art: a desk lamp with two dot eyes shines a spotlight on a single folded chair, under the title Who Folded the Chairs? WHO FOLDED THE CHAIRS? a true(ish) crime podcast CLEAN

A PrismaCorp Studios podcast · Season 1

Who Folded the Chairs?

A true(ish) crime podcast in six episodes.

Hosted by Lamp, a desk lamp. Produced by Glint, who talks fast.

  • 6 episodes
  • Episode 1’s cold open: voiced
  • Episodes 2–6: transcripts
  • P for Podcast

No real cases, people or places. The only crime here is tidiness.

Now playing

Episode 1: The Last Chair Standing — the cold open

Captions

Press play. Or don’t — every word is in the transcript below.

Episodes

Ep. 1: The Last Chair Standing

Eleven forty-seven p.m. Every chair in the hall, folded. Zero witnesses. Lamp opens the case.

Cold open voiced · the rest is a transcript

Read the transcript: episode 1
  1. [Cold open (voiced). A tape recorder clicks on. The theme creeps in underneath: a lonely piano over a pulsing synth.]
  2. LAMP: (softly) Eleven forty-seven p.m. The hall is empty. The snacks are gone. (voiced)
  3. LAMP: And every single folding chair… is folded. (voiced)
  4. LAMP: Stacked. Squared to the wall. Wiped down. Labels facing out. (voiced)
  5. LAMP: (whispers) Nobody asked them to. (voiced)
  6. LAMP: Nobody saw who did it. Or… did everybody? (voiced)
  7. LAMP: I'm your host, Lamp. I shine a light on things. It's my whole deal. (voiced)
  8. LAMP: This… is Who Folded the Chairs? (voiced)
  9. LAMP: Episode one: The Last Chair Standing. (voiced)
  10. LAMP: This episode is brought to you by… you. If you sign up. (voiced)
  11. [The theme resolves on one low piano note.]
  12. LAMP: You: reliable, kind, surprisingly good at carrying things. Use code FOLDING at checkout. There is no checkout. Volunteering is free.
  13. [The voiced part ends here. The rest is read, not heard.]
  14. LAMP: Let’s start with the facts. At nine a.m., the chairs were set up for the event. In rows. Mostly straight.
  15. GLINT: Very straight! I did row C!
  16. LAMP: That’s Glint, our producer. Glint talks fast.
  17. GLINT: I-do-not.
  18. LAMP: By midnight the hall was dark, and the chairs were… gone. Not gone. Folded. Leaning on the wall in one perfect stack.
  19. GLINT: It was beautiful. I cried a little. Not on the chairs.
  20. LAMP: Somebody did this. Somebody who cared. And I’m going to find out who.
  21. LAMP: Next time: the stack speaks.
  22. GLINT: Stacks can’t talk.
  23. LAMP: …Next time.

Ep. 2: The Stack

Lamp examines the main piece of evidence: one perfect stack of chairs. The stack has declined to comment.

Transcript only · runtime: however long you read

Read the transcript: episode 2
  1. LAMP: This is the stack. It’s taller than me. Most things are. I’m a desk lamp.
  2. LAMP: Stack. Did you see who folded you?
  3. [Silence. A long one.]
  4. GLINT: I think it’s shy.
  5. LAMP: Look at the corners. Squared. Look at the labels. All facing out. This isn’t the work of one person, Glint.
  6. GLINT: How do you know?
  7. LAMP: One person gets tired halfway through. Whoever did this never got tired.
  8. GLINT: Or they had snacks.
  9. LAMP: …Write that down.
  10. [A typewriter. Somebody writes that down.]

Ep. 3: The Witness Was a Clipboard

A key witness comes forward. It has every name. It will share none of them.

Transcript only · runtime: however long you read

Read the transcript: episode 3
  1. LAMP: Our next witness asked to remain anonymous. It’s a clipboard.
  2. THE SIGN-UP SHEET: I’m the sign-up sheet, actually. The clipboard is my ride.
  3. LAMP: Who signed up for tear-down?
  4. THE SIGN-UP SHEET: Lots of people. Every line is full. Different handwriting on every one.
  5. LAMP: Names.
  6. THE SIGN-UP SHEET: Privacy, Lamp. I don’t give out names. I just hold them.
  7. GLINT: That’s so respectful.
  8. LAMP: It’s obstruction.
  9. GLINT: It’s respectful obstruction.
  10. THE SIGN-UP SHEET: There’s room at the bottom, if anybody listening wants it.

Ep. 4: Photo Booth Remembers

The only eyewitness took pictures. The pictures are blurry. The pictures are full of hands.

Transcript only · runtime: however long you read

Read the transcript: episode 4
  1. LAMP: Photo Booth was running all night. Photo Booth: what did you see?
  2. PHOTO BOOTH: Flash! Sorry. Habit.
  3. PHOTO BOOTH: Here’s my last strip of the night. Four frames.
  4. LAMP: Frame one: a hand. Frame two: more hands. Frame three: so many hands.
  5. GLINT: Frame four is me doing a peace sign.
  6. LAMP: Why are you in frame four, Glint?
  7. GLINT: Frame four is always me doing a peace sign.
  8. LAMP: Hands. Lots of hands. Folding hands.

Ep. 5: The Alibi

Lamp interviews the usual suspects. Everybody has an alibi. Every alibi is “I was folding chairs.”

Transcript only · runtime: however long you read

Read the transcript: episode 5
  1. LAMP: Light Lab. Where were you at eleven forty?
  2. LIGHT LAB: Refracting. All night. I have seven witnesses. They’re colours.
  3. LAMP: Badge Maker?
  4. BADGE MAKER: Making badges that say “Chair Folder.” For whoever folded the chairs.
  5. LAMP: And who are they for?
  6. BADGE MAKER: I made a lot of them. They’re all gone.
  7. LAMP: PrismaOS?
  8. PRISMAOS: I was minimised. Then I wasn’t. Then I folded a chair. A small one. Don’t tell anyone.
  9. LAMP: Glint. Where were you?
  10. GLINT: Folding chairs.
  11. LAMP: That’s not an alibi, Glint. That’s a confession.
  12. GLINT: It can be both!

Ep. 6: Everyone

The finale. Lamp connects the red string. The answer was in the room the whole time. The answer was the room.

Transcript only · runtime: however long you read

Read the transcript: episode 6
  1. LAMP: I’ve been staring at this board for six episodes.
  2. GLINT: Five. This is six.
  3. LAMP: The stack nobody could have done alone. The sign-up sheet with no empty lines. The photo strip full of hands. The badges. So many badges.
  4. LAMP: Nobody folded the chairs, Glint.
  5. GLINT: Gasp.
  6. LAMP: Everybody did. Together. One chair each — and one more each for whoever had to leave early.
  7. THE CREW: Hi. Yeah. It was us. We do that.
  8. LAMP: Why?
  9. THE CREW: Somebody had to. It’s more fun when it’s everybody.
  10. GLINT: I’m not crying. My stripe is just shiny.
  11. LAMP: This has been Who Folded the Chairs? The case is closed. The chairs are folded. And next time, there’s a chair with your name on it.
  12. LAMP: Figuratively. Please don’t write on the chairs.

The evidence board

Press a clue to pick it up, then press another clue to run red string between them. Press the same pair again to cut the string. Link the clues that agree with each other — and only those — and the board will tell you who did it.

  • WHO?Folded. The. Chairs.

No string yet. Pick up a clue.

There’s a chair with your name on it

Figuratively. Please don’t write on the chairs. PrismaCorp is volunteer-run, and the next tear-down could use one more pair of hands. Volunteering is free. Snacks: usually.

Volunteer with PrismaCorp

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